Scouting Report: Stiff Bats and Hollow Balls

Stiff Bats and Hollow Balls are about as offensive as they come. Their name is (over)sexed and their bats are juiced. With improved control they could be a real contender. Think of them as the White Sox from one year ago - high quality sluggers combined with starting pitching that might pull it together on any given day, but can also give up a crooked number if their BABIP luck drops.

Mild mannered Kellan Sqire is perhaps the most nerve wracking player in the league to pitch against. He uses a relaxed stance with a smooth swing that wiffle ball scouts agree suggests prior baseball experience. Nearly everything he puts in play goes for a high-arching, majestic home run. The saving grace from the pitcher's perspective is that he pulls the ball foul much more often than he actually puts it in play. He has difficulty slowing his swing up enough to hit a changeup, and he can be made to chase pitches out of the zone both high and outside.

As for his pitching, Squire's obvious athleticism and ball skills have yet to translate into productivity on the mound. He's shown a willingness to experiment with different types of pitches, but doesn't throw very hard or with great command. If something clicks and Squire finds his pitching identity, the rest of the league could be in trouble.

Matt Hunter, the non-PMRN member of Stiff Bats and Hollow Balls, is an imported player from a strange foreign league where only home runs count as hits. There is currently no reliable translation from his former league in Derby, England to our league in Tallahassee, FL, but anyone can see that the power is legit. Hunter uses a unique one handed swing to generate tremendous power, hitting moonshot home runs and scorching tripples. Opponents are advised never to give him pitches on the outside half of the plate, or even within two or so feet of the plate on the outside. He's susceptible to being jammed with splitters and screw balls, and if you want to throw a slider, make sure it's way outside. Hunter is an aggressive swinger and just might go for it.

As for Hunter's pitching, he mixes and matches changeups, fastballs, the occasional slider, and even some underhanded offerings, with very inconsistent results. If I had to make a comparison to a hardball player, however, I would say that Hunter resembles Curt Schilling, at least in terms of insistent self-promotion of his blog.

Scouting Report: The Wobblies

The Wobblies, consisting of Ian Malinowski and Kelly Scherwitzki took their name because, like the Industrial Workers of the World, they’re still throwing strikes in the third inning. They flash both stellar pitching and energetic, dedicated fielding, but have difficulty putting it all together in any given inning. Moreover, experts agree that they lack the necessary offensive firepower to compete with the class of the PMRNHDWBL.

Scherwitzki bears the distinction of being the only female founding member of the PMRNHDWBL. She is a high-contact singles hitter with developing plate discipline, though she still chases the occasional high pitch. Teams have taken to playing the defense up against her, but Scherwitzki, undeterred, continues to lance ground balls through the middle, viewing the up-shift simply as an opportunity to turn those singles into doubles.

As a pitcher, Scherwitzki offers a steady diet of changeups. She has above average control, limiting walks and trusting the defense behind her to make plays on popups. Batters do not fear Scherwitzki, but perhaps they should. She has no problem with pitching high and inside, and has hit Tyler Roe in the head numerous times in preseason games. Some (communist) analysts believe that by the end of the season, the stats will show Scherwitzki to be the definition of a league average pitcher.

Ian "The Wilting Rose"Malinowski earned his nickname for the way opposing batters wilt before his superb stuff. Also, he's just generally a classy and artistic individual. Malinowski throws a wide assortment of pitches, but his bread and butter is a hard slider that starts out behind the batter and breaks back into the strike zone. Once he gets to a two strike count, Malinowski leans on his wide assortment of out pitches, including sliders off the outside edge, a sidearm sinker, a maximum effort fastball, and changeups on the high inside corner. When Malinowski falls behind in the count, he tends to lean on a high curve, backdoor splitters and screw balls, and changeups. Lastly, once hitters start to get a read on Malinowski's pattern of pitches, he will switch to sidearm risers and sinkers for a batter or two. The Wilting Rose figures to challenge Fouche for the league Cy Young award.

As a batter, Malinowski is the consummate leadoff hitter. He works the count, being stingy with his swings to the point where he often takes pitches right down the middle if he doesn't feel like he can drive the ball. (Because of this, he leads the league in strikes taken through the hole.) [No, that's not what she said.] Malinowski displays decent contact skills, especially on pitches high and away, but he only really possesses doubles power. In fact, Malinowski has never yet hit a home run.

With quality pitching and some BABIP luck, The Wobblies could be a good team. Their major concern, however, is the offense. Their lineup consists entirely of leadoff hitters, and will get plenty of men on base. Will they be able to drive them in?

Scouting Report: Team Pitches and Hos

Pitches and Hos are the preseason favorites to win the PMRNHDWBL, as well as to capture the much coveted Beers Per Game (BPG) crown. Their all-around skillset, superior drinking ability, and the rather bizarre way in which the latter appears to improve the former makes them a difficult opponent. Opposing players who give in to the constant heckling from Pitches and Hos, and attempt to prove their manhood (or womanhood) by matching the scorching BPG pace, usually end up being taken both out of the park and under the table.

Tyler “Kung Fu Panda” Roe may be the most inconsistent hitter in the league. He expands the zone, swinging at bad pitches outside, while at the same time taking strikes right down the middle. His swing definitely has holes, which combined with the suspect plate disciple leads to high strikeout totals. However, opposing pitchers shouldn’t take Fat Ichiro lightly, as he’s developed excellent power, to the point where some fielders elect to play him to take away the homer and the tripple. Moreover, Roe’s batting skills appear to increase as the light wanes. Perhaps it is only the accumulation of talent juice, but some analysts think that his left eye (which is a cloudy brown rather than the clear green of his right eye) is actually taken from a deep sea eel, and only comes into focus at twilight.

As a pitcher, Roe throws a moderate fastball which he is able to locate well enough to get by, and he couples it with an increasingly filthy slider. The two pitches have similar velocity, and when he can control his fastball, the combination is very effective. Moreover, the rate at which both his pitching and hitting have improved make him one of the more projectable prospects in the league.

Ryan “Popeye” Fouché is the cornerstone of Pitches and Hos’s championship hopes, and a serious contender for both the MVP and the Cy Young (which will be renamed the Doc Ellis if Fouché wins). As a batter, Fouché shows power to all fields, scorching line drives left right and up the middle. If he has any pattern, it is that he tends slightly towards opposite field, especially when drunk or in the dark. To date, Fouché is the only batter to have hit a true line drive home run.

If Fouché’s hitting is impressive, it’s his pitching that really sets him apart from most other players in the PMRNHDWBL. He only throws one pitch, a scorching fastball that is in the strike zone almost every time. When sober, Fouché will miss with his locations occasionally, and give up a run here and there. Once he gets a respectable BPG going, however, Fouché becomes untouchable. His fastball, on top of piling up strikes both looking and swinging, generates a large number of ground balls. And this is where the irony comes in. As Fouché gets drunker, his fastball becomes faster and his command becomes better. His fielding, on the other hand, becomes worse (proving that he is actually mortal). If he ever struggles during the season, chances are that it will be the result of poorly fielded ground ball singles. Some analysts speculate that hitters will figure out Fouché’s one offering eventually, but until that happens, he should be considered likely to pitch a perfect inning every time he takes the mound with an inning or two of drinking under his belt.

Pitch Glossary

This is a glossary of all of the pitches currently thrown by players in the PMRN Help Desk Wiffle Ball League (PMRNHDWBL). These standard pitch names will be used in game recaps and in scouting reports that will appear hear at Somebody to Leon periodically. If you know of a pitch thrown by at least one player not listed here, feel free to add it as a comment, or to contact Ian Malinowski at the PMRN Help Desk.

Note: In an attempt to mirror the essence of hardball, if not necessarily the details, some of these pitches are categorized accurately by their movement while others are categorized by their affect on the batter-hitter matchup. Movement for each pitch is described as if the pitch were thrown by a right handed batter.

Fastball: The fastball travels in a straight line, and is thrown fast.

Changeup: The changeup travels in a straight line and is thrown more slowly than the fastball.

Slider: The slider is thrown hard and breaks away from a right handed batter.

Curve: The curve also breaks away from a right handed batter, but is thrown slower than the slider.

Splitter: The splitter is thrown hard and breaks in toward a right handed batter. It is the mirror image of the slider.

Screw Ball: The screw ball also breaks in toward a right handed batter but is thrown slower than the slider. It is the mirror image of a curve.

Cutter: The cutter is a fastball of moderate speed with a small amount of movement. This movement can be made to go in different directions. The cutter also loses its velocity especially quickly, causing it to drop more than expected.

Eephus: The Eepus is a slow, high, arcing pitch which the pitcher tries to drop into the back of the strike zone. The name comes from outfielder Maurice Van Robays. When asked what it meant, Van Robays replied, "'Eephus ain't nothing, and that's a nothing pitch."

Sinker: This pitch is thrown side-arm, and drops dramatically.

Riser: This pitch is thrown side-arm, and rises as it travels through the air.

Submarine Slider: The submarine slider is thrown underhanded, and breaks away from a right handed batter

Submarine Splitter: The submarine splitter is thrown underhanded and breaks in toward a right handed batter.

The Offseason is Over

Things are starting to heat up again in the world of FSU sports. The football team is in camp, the basketball team allegedly weighs at least 40 pounds of muscle more as a unit, and Tyler Holt is back from tearing it up in Japan. Perhaps more importantly, the inaugural season of the PMRN Help Desk Wiffle Ball League is about to begin.

Somebody to Leon will be covering the PMRNHDWBL, and will hopefully be reporting stats with geater frequency than we did with FSU baseball. Check daily for game recaps, stats, scounting reports, and betting lines.

Game Recap: Seminoles 9, Tarheels 8 (or as I like to call it, Matt Holliday lives)

Happy Easter Seminole Fans! This afternoon, FSU took on UNC for the rubber game of this weekend's series. Today's game seemed to be going the way of our Saturday performance: behind early and a comeback that falls short. Luckily the Noles pulled it together (and were on the receiving end of a little baseball luck) as they won 9-8 on Jason Stidham's walk off single. You can see the box score and play by play here, but I'd like to talk about the game's ending and some other observations without doing a full recap. If you don't want to read the official recap, here's a quick synopsis...

Mike McGee managed a decent outing despite not having his best stuff- he put up a line of 2 ER, 6K's and 2 walks. Geoff Parker and John Gast gave up 4 and 1 run(s) respectively in relief and continue to fall short of pre-season expectations. Tyler Holt and Stephen Cardullo were Base on Balls machines and Jimmy Marhsall did a nice job of keeping it close during the last few innings. Yet again, the Tarheel starter was tough, giving up only 1 earned run while striking out 6 and walking only 2 over 5.2 innings. With all the dominant pitching coming out UNC in recent years (Andrew Miller and Daniel Bard come to mind), how is pitching coach Scott Forbes not better known? This weekend, UNC starting pitching gave up 6 ER against a good hitting FSU team. Perhaps he likes the college game, but if I were a major league system, I'd be throwing some money at this guy to help with my player development.

But on to the other topics, like the ending of the game. FSU scores 4 runs in the 8th to make it a 1 run game. Tyler Holt collected his 4th walk of the game to begin the 9th and was followed by another walk from Cardullo. Stu Tap laid down a beautiful bunt to put men on third and second and and then Jason Stidham singled to win the game.

But here's the thing- my eyes were following the right fielder and Stephen Cardullo's progress, so I never actually saw Holt score. What I did see, was that as Cardullo was rounding third, the UNC catcher was on his back right on top of the plate (he looked like a turtle). All I can figure is that Holt somehow mananged to knock over the Tarheel backstop (who was proably blocking the plate already), which allowed Cardullo to reach the plate before he could get up. Here's the other thing, I'm 99% Cardullo didn't actually touch the plate, seeing as how Fleury (the catcher) was sort of lying on top of it. Fleury was understandably irate, and had to be restrained by several team members and coach's from going after the umpires. Sometimes the baseball gods just throw one your way I guess. If anyone saw exactly what happened, I'd love to hear more about it, but in the meantime, I'll just say that I love Tyler Holt, and once again, take back anything bad I ever said about him.

Some other observations:
Third baseman Stuart Tapley has a strong accurate arm, and looks great charging in on balls. He fielded one today that was about even with the pitchers mound and still got the runner. He also has suave new music for his at bats that makes me envision a montage of Tap courtin' the ladies with roses and champagne. Hey, Stu is a lover, not a fighter, what can I say?

College Baseball is really unpredictable. Jack Posey looked like a deer in the headlights at 1st yesterday, and today he looked solid and smart. And that was on top of being acccidentally called "Buster" by the PA guy. Parker Brunelle also had a nice day behind the plate after looking terrible in some earlier starts. I suppose this boils down to what always separates professionals from amateurs...consistency.

James Ramsey seems really fast. He darn near beat out a quick throw and he looked liked he covered a bunch of ground tracking down balls in left.

The most annoying fan of the game award goes to a visiting Tarheel fanatic. Now, I have nothing against fans of the away team cheering their squad. But there was a point in the game when UNC brought in a pitcher who was apparently nicknamed "Gator". A woman behind me kept shouting "Alright Gator, Good Job Gator! or Get 'Em Gator!". At this point we were still down several runs, and let me tell you, when you're an FSU fan and your team is losing, there is nothing worse than hearing a shrill voice yelling anything about "Gators". At the time, it was enough to make me want to drown myself in a vat of Muscle Milk (the offical protein beverage of the Florida State Seminoles!) (TM).

I liked the call to bunt with Tapley in the 9th. No outs, and in a close game Win Expectancy trumps Run Excpectancy in the closing innings. I like it less that some of our better hitters are showing bunt on first pitches in the middle of games.

Next Up: The Mike McGee question...

True Crime

I don't necessarily want to diverge too much from our stated mission of talking about FSU sports, but hear, hear!